Mark Gilroy

Bringing Books to Life!

Life Lessons After a Tragic Loss

Icy RoadsOn January 12,2011, the bus carrying the Mount Union College wrestling team hit a snow plow while driving in wintry conditions. Thankfully no students were seriously hurt though there were a few minor injuries … but tragically the team trainer was killed.

A friend who grew up with the Mount Union coach, Mark Hawald, forwarded the following public email that he sent out to his contact list. Even if you know nothing about amateur wrestling and aren’t particularly into sports, he has distilled some incredible life lessons learned in the face of a tragic loss. Hopefully you and I are able to glean and apply some truths from this email as we say a prayer for all those intimately connected with the tragedy.

The experience the Mount Union Wrestling Family went through Tuesday night was something I hope no other coach ever has deal with.  On the way home from a dual meet, our team’s bus was involved in an accident which took the life of our trainer and friend, Dan Gorman.  My assistant coach suffered a broken wrist, and thankfully there were no other injuries.

This has been a difficult and confusing time for both my team and me.   Dan was more than a trainer to us.  He was like our fifth coach.  He attended all of our practices and home meets, and some of our away meets.  Dan was a mentor to me and my wrestlers and always had advice on how to be a better person, so I want to use this experience as Dan would, as a way to help others grow and improve their own lives.  I hope I can pass on what I have learned to others and that they will not have to experience anything like this to learn such valuable lessons.

I have learned to better appreciate the people who deserve my appreciation.  I thought Dan was an amazing trainer.  I often referred to him as “the smartest person I know.”  His mat side diagnosis was usually the same as the one given by a specialist weeks later after looking an X-Ray or MRI.  Beyond his profession, Dan provided incredible life lessons and insight to anyone who was willing to listen.  He made my job as a coach easier because I knew that my wrestlers would become better people after spending just a few minutes with him.  I appreciated Dan for everything he did for this team, but I don’t know how clear I made that to him.  As my wrestlers discussed winning a conference title to honor Dan, I interrupted and said the best way to honor Dan is to model ourselves after him and become better people.  We need to better appreciate the people who deserve our appreciation, let them know how much they mean to us, say thank you for the impact they have made on our lives, and try to be the Dan Gorman is someone else’s life.

I have learned that the rewards of wrestling do not always show on the mat.  Tuesday was the worst moment in my coaching career, but also my proudest.  I often leave practice frustrated.  If my guys don’t work as hard as they should or can’t figure something out I ask myself what am I doing wrong as a coach or what is wrong with my guys that they are not doing exactly what they should.  I learned Tuesday night that I have succeeded as a coach and that my wrestlers are exactly the men that I want them to be.  When faced with a crisis, these young men were true champions.  The lessons they have learned from this sport were apparent on Tuesday night.  We had a goal to save our dear friend.  They worked together and did everything they could.  Everyone played an important role.  Those with “medical” experience immediately put their attention on Dan, some ventured out into the cold to set up flares, waive down vehicles, and assess the situation of the bus, some comforted the girls (our managers) who were shook up from the accident, and the rest gathered close to stay warm and started praying.  I hope other coaches too will learn that although our guy does not always get his hand raised, we are playing a crucial role in developing real-world champions.

I have learned is that the brotherhood known as wrestling is the one of the strongest, most dependable, and most honorable groups of individuals on this planet.  The support that this team has received has been unbelievable.  I have received support from across the state and across the country.  From high schools and colleges.  From all divisions.  Our biggest competitors have become our biggest supporters.  I lost count early yesterday of how many programs have extended their support.  I have seen the worst situation bring out the absolute best in people.  We decided to still hold our tournament we had scheduled for Sunday at the request of Dan’s wife.  She said that carrying on our lives and acting no different is what Dan would have wanted.  I have had multiple coaches tell me that they would be willing to run the tournament or provide other help.  Words cannot express what this support means to the team and to me.  Wrestlers who quit my team for whatever reason, were waiting for us when we returned to campus to offer their support.  I hope that people reading this will not wait for the worst situation to bring out their best.

I hope this message can be valuable to anyone who has suffered any type of loss and that in sharing this message, others can grow from this as the members of my team have and continue to.

Lastly, here are a few specific messages to different groups involved in our sport…

WRESTLING PARENTS
Your children are in the hands of the finest men on the planet.  Every coach I know in this sport is a great man and will do anything for your son.  Wrestling coaches will try to make a better wrestler, but will definitely make a better man.

WRESTLERS
Cherish every moment you have in this sport.  You have chosen to surround yourself among the greatest peers in your teammates and the greatest role models in your coaches.  Practice is tough.  Cutting weight is tough.  Losing is tough.  But so is life.  What you learn in this sport will be the most valuable lessons you will learn in life.

COACHES
As we waited for the emergency crew to arrive, I was holding blankets over Dan and rubbing his arms trying to keep him warm.  While our student trainer was trying to get him back, I started talking to Dan.  I was saying “Stay tough” and “You can do this” and “Dig Deep” and other things like that.  I caught myself and realized that these were the same things I say to my wrestlers when times get tough in a match or at practice.  I was looking forward to having a good laugh about it with Dan and my team when he would make his return.  I will not have the opportunity to have this reunion, but this did make me realize that in a crisis situation, I fell back on the wrestling coach that I am.  This situation has taught me that our value to these young men is greater than I could have ever imagined.  Don’t forget who you are and the impact you have on so many people’s lives.

John Wooden – RIP

On June 4, 2010, John Wooden died a the age of 99 in Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center. He was named by his peers as the greatest team sport coach in American sporting history. Humble, selfless, caring, he won 10 NCAA national championships – something he never talked about – as coach at UCLA.

He was a three-time All American at Purdue and won a national championship there as a player. He then coached high school and taught English for 11 years before entering the college ranks. During his tenure at UCLA, which began in 1948, he had four perfect seasons, had an 88-game winning streak, won 7 straight national championships, won 38 straight games in the NCAA tournament, was elected into the College Basketball Hall of Fame as both a coach and a player, and many other accomplishments.

But Wooden, a small-town country boy from Indiana never wavered in his values on the road to the bright lights of Tinseltown.

As a teacher, he began every basketball season by showing his players how to put their socks on the right way. He never talked to them about winning or losing; just living their lives with character. He designed a pyramid of success that he felt would make players victors not only on the court but in all of life. It included values like industriousness, loyalty, enthusiasm, initiative, alertness, poise, honesty, confidence, and other traits that were as much about being a good person as a good basketball player. As a coach, he didn’t bully, he didn’t cuss, he didn’t run the most sophisticated systems. “He was really more like a parent than a coach,” said Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

The theme he spoke of most is love and the great love his life was Nellie, his wife of 53 years. She was his first love and the only girl he ever kissed. After her death, he would sit down on the 21st of each month and write her a love letter that he would then leave on her pillow. Sports columnist Rick Reilly often asked him if he could use the letters as the basis of a book they could write together on making love last. Even decades after her death Wooden, with tears running down his cheeks, would say it was too recent and he needed more time

The Wizard of Westwood was an icon for coaches who are themselves icons. His players speak of him reverentially. Bill Walton said that some of Coach Wooden’s quotes and sayings – Woodenisms – that he snickered at as a player are the words he has on his walls and has taught his own children.

Just a sample of Woodenisms that will endure beyond his death are:

Ability is a poor man’s wealth.

Adversity is the state in which man mostly easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights.

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

Don’t measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.

 Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. Courage is what counts.

If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?

If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.

It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.

 It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.

Material possessions, winning scores, and great reputations are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.

Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.

John Wooden. RIP.

Welcome to the Wild Side – Going Entrepreneurial

My dad worked for General Motors for 37 years, his only full-time employer. My wife’s dad worked for DuPont for 35 years after a brief stint with IBM. Who knows – he might have been with IBM for 37 years if they had permanently assigned him to the Nashville office rather than sending him to Upstate New York. They used to be the norm – but now their career paths would be considered anomalies.

Welcome to the wild world of independent work.

Have you considered – or been forced to consider – going entrepreneurial? I love the independent work world – but it’s a wild ride!

My career, which began at a local church as a youth pastor, and which includes three significant “employment” eras – plus a 5-year run of having my own company serve as my sole means of support – has been a much different path. This past week I concluded a three-year return to the corporate world. I moved to Nashville in late 2005 to launch a specialty book division with Integrity Publishers. When Integrity was acquired by Thomas Nelson, I served in the same publisher role with a much larger company over a well-established business unit.

With the publishing industry in a major funk – and no bailout being trumpeted on CNN – now was and is the time for me to get back to running my own business. One of the first responses I got to my announcement was from a good friend, also independent and entrepreneurial in mindset, who sent me a text that said “welcome back to the wild side.” As someone who thought he might be bankrupt and then wealthy and then bankrupt all in the same year, I can only smile – I can’t argue with his choice of words.

I’ve been asked if I’m worried about not being with a company in what may be the worst economic times since the Great Depression. Well, last I heard on TV, General Motors needs money from the government this week or it may be forced into Chapter 7, which means the doors would close. What safe place is there in the workforce today?

I’ve been told I’m the luckiest guy in the world. I’ve been told I’m crazy. Both statements are undoubtedly wrong – and right – for different reasons! Bottom line, I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all plan for navigating the white water rapids of today’s workplace. My inclination is that I won’t return to corporate (never say never), but I wouldn’t recommend that as the plan for everyone. Know thyself.

Have you considered – or been forced to consider – going entrepreneurial? I love the independent work world – but it’s a wild ride! I would offer three simple observations that might serve as counsel and advise for someone reading this.

  1. Everyone needs more than one “customer.” Your employer may be your boss and your means of financial support, but your employer is also a customer for your services. Is it smart to have one customer? Maybe it was in a bygone era but in times of economic turbulence, when many companies are struggling to stay alive, that’s probably not the case. But isn’t that kind of thinking disloyal and dishonest? I’m obviously not condoning or advocating the stealing of time and resources from the one paying you, but there’s nothing dishonorable in using gifts and skills, some of which may not have an outlet in your primary job, in ways that meet the needs of other customers.
  2. Hard work is the order of the day. Duh. That may seem too obvious to mention but let’s face it, we do live in an incredibly comfortable epoch of world history – with lots of our free time devoted to entertainment. A friend – and yes, he, too, is independent and entrepreneurial in his mindset – sent me this word of wisdom recently: “He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgement” (Proverbs 12:11).
  3. Ultimately, there is no security in your own labors. So what’s the point in trying? There is great reward in working hard and working savvy, but the only true security is found in faith in God. The words of Job, who was the wealthiest man of his day, who lost his wealth, his health, and his family in a series of calamities, still ring true today: “Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return” (15:31). Trust God more.

So whether your company is definitively in the black or the red, whether your career is booming or languishing, whether you have made the move to the independent work world or are happy in corporate, all I can say is it’s a jungle either way, so ‘welcome to the wild side!’