(But You’re Still the Only One Who is Responsible for It)

It wasn’t my fault. There is a broad spectrum of emotional and intellectual responses, often polarized, when hearing that phrase stated by someone who has suffered a setback in life. But taken at face value, it wasn’t my fault, is often correct. You, they nor I have done little to bring certain losses or setbacks to fruition in our lives.

Life Isn’t Always Fair

If you are driving your car carefully but a careless driver runs a stop sign or switches lanes without looking or fails to stop because they are distracted, then the accident absolutely isn’t your fault.

If you are faithful, attentive, affirming, loving, fun, and full of other positive attributes within your marriage but your spouse is unfaithful, inattentive, unaffirming, hateful, and full of other negative dynamics in your marriage, then an un-wanted divorce isn’t your fault.

If the company you’ve worked hard and effectively to build for years suddenly hits financial woes due to unforeseen events (like a pandemic) and subsequently lays off half the workforce, you included, then your loss of employment isn’t your fault.

If you live a reasonably healthy lifestyle that includes a good diet, exercise, positive thinking, loving relationships, and the practice of no major health risks but you receive a bleak cancer diagnosis after an anomaly is discovered at annual checkup, it isn’t your fault.

Life isn’t always fair. People aren’t always fair. The benefits we grew up with aren’t equal and are often unfair. Some things just happen outside our control, including floods, pandemics, illness, economic depression, wars, crime, and more. There is nothing wrong or weak in acknowledging that many events and conditions that crash into your life aren’t your fault.

There is an important distinction that needs to be noted, however. Saying, it wasn’t my fault, does not mean that you aren’t responsible for accepting where you are and for working on what happens next. To deny responsibility for your life—the good, the bad, and the ugly—flips what happens next from it wasn’t my fault to I’m the only one to blame. (Jimmy Buffet wrote a song about that I think.)

Yes, you and we and I have all been victimized by others and by the seemingly random storms of life. But that is never the end of the story. A setback need not be what defines us.

Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors

The biblical story of Joseph is filled with fortune and calamity; tragedy and redemption; betrayal and reconciliation; incredible success and abject failure. You can read about Joseph in Genesis 37-50. His story is so incredible that is found in other texts. A shorter version of Joseph’s life is told in the Koran, where he is the only prophet to be given his own chapter.