What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do

how do I make the best decision when I'm not sure what to do?

What do YOU do when you don’t know what to do?

What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

The great philosopher and baseball player, Yogi Berra, described this state of indecision and gave sage advice when he said, “when you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Not knowing what to do can take various forms, including:

two or more great options – yes, theoretically we love having choices, but in real life, more menu items to select from is not necessarily easier.
two or more terrible options – this is the scenario that begat the phrase, “jumping from the frying pan into the fire.” If you’ve burned yourself on a frying pan, you know why the guy jumped.
confused by the facts – ETFs, ETNs, IRAs, Roth IRAs, 401Ks – have you figured out the best retirement investment options for your golden years?
the future is unknown – duh! – of course we know that, but this variation of confused by facts still catches us by surprise and stymie our decision-making. This factor has also created the sport of second-guessing the stupidity of others based on our 20/20 hindsight. And as a publisher I can attest there are plenty of books that have been written by people who have caught lightning in a bottle and looked back and described in detail how they engineered their success – even if they had no clue what they were doing at the time.
conflicting feedback – I’m not sure if it’s scarier when the people I trust unanimously agree with what I want to do – or when it is a hung jury.
fear of failure – *spoiler alert* – aren’t you just a little suspicious of anyone that promises you a path or program that insures success – like a sure-fire way to pick the right stock every time? (If that was possible, why would someone that rich waste time selling a program to me?) If you are a perfectionist, decisions just got more than a little bit tougher.
decision fatigue – there are business dynamos that have no problem making million dollar decisions all day but have a blank stare and no ideas when asked where to go for dinner. Decisions take energy. If you’ve been working 12 hour days to finish up a project, it might not be the best time to rush out and buy a new car you can’t afford.

So what do you do when you don’t know what to do? Decisions, big and small, come our way constantly. A career change. A move across town or across the country. Investment opportunities. Starting a family. Buy or rent. Who to hire – or fire.

If only decision-making was as easy as Kenny Rogers’ investment counsel, “You have to know when to hold’em … know when to fold’em.”

Ben Franklin had smart ideas on just about everything and when his friend Joseph Priestley asked him how best to make a tough decision, Franklin wrote him back:

My way is to divide half a sheet of paper by a line into two columns, writing over the one Pro, and over the other Con. Then during three or four days consideration I put down under the different heads short hints of the different motives that at different times occur to me for or against the measure. When I have thus got them all together in one view, I endeavor to estimate their respective weights; and where I find two, one on each side, that seem equal, I strike them both out. If I find a reason Pro equal to some two reasons Con, I strike out the three. If I judge some two reasons Con equal to some three reasons Pro, I strike out the five; and thus proceeding I find at length where the balance lies. If after a day or two of further consideration nothing new that is of importance occurs on either side, I come to a determination accordingly. [Edited for current punctuation, capitalization, and spelling.]

Franklin’s decision tree process sounds very rational – and is a fabulous tool in decision-making – but as we all know, determining the “weights” of “reasons” demands that we make judgments that are not purely rational. I’m sure a fancy decision tree was developed back in the mid 80s that showed it would be a good idea for Coca-Cola to drop their classic recipe and introduce New Coke in 1985, but someone didn’t get the weights on each side of the ledger right!

I believe in prayer and asking God to guide me in my decision-making. But I would be dishonest if I didn’t confess that there have been more than a few times I just didn’t get any sense of clear direction as I’ve prayed. I’ve also heard a few very earnest and sincere folks claim they were doing exactly what God told them to do and proceed to make a horrible decision. Don’t get me wrong, I think faith and prayer should be part of my decision-making – and there have been many times I have felt the Hand of God guiding me – but I also suspect there are times when God’s message to me has been, do your best, stay true to your principles, and do what you think is right. I might get criticized by some for not having enough spirituality or faith – and others for bringing up the role of faith – but I personally have no problem approaching God in prayer both boldly and humbly.

Sometimes the best decision is no decision. It’s not wrong to table the motion and say you need more time, particularly if you are with a great salesperson who is pushing for a decision right now. There are problems we can’t solve and we only make matters worst when we try to finesse them. The cowboy entertainer and philosopher, Will Rogers, put it this way:

If you find yourself in a hold, stop digging.

But some moments in life require a decision. Right now. Door A. Door B. Door C.

So at the end of the day, what do you do when you don’t know what to do? There’s no simplistic formula, but retracing our steps, here are a few helpful ideas to keep in mind:

Build your decision tree and make your best judgments on the merits of the facts in front of you.
Pray for guidance. Trust God when He gives you specific direction – and when He tells you to use the emotional, mental, and spiritual resources He has given you.
If possible, don’t flip the switch on big decisions until you are rested and fresh.
Get feedback from people you trust – but own your own decisions.
Don’t do something desperate to get out of desperate circumstances.

Then simply take comfort and feel confidence in knowing that we don’t (and can’t) know enough to make perfect decisions – but good-faith, less-than-perfect decisions are usually going to work out just fine. The highway of life will always be littered with successes and failures and we can learn, grow and succeed from both of them.